Wow.

Just… wow.

I thought Rick Ross cornered the whole “wearing your face on your chain” market but Boston Celtic guard Marquis Daniels may now have him beat…with ignorance. Just look at that thing. I don’t like to tell a man what do with his money but you’d think Mr. Daniels could have thought of a lotta other things to do with his NBA checks (Check out the video at the bottom for how this piece was made).

The only other question I have is: Who do I give the DMF Award too? To Marquis Daniels or to Marquis Daniels’ Diamond Head Piece?

F@ck it, I’ll give the Dumb Motherf@cker Of The Week Award* to both.

*Sidenote: I heard about this last week but it still…

No, Greg Oden is not getting this award for that terrible haircut. Some people would say he should just get this award for possibly being a NBA bust and always being on the injury report. But he is getting this award for getting nude pictures put on the internet by a scorned groupie. As with Tiger Woods, money can’t buy common sense.

New rule for 2010: Men, we gotta stop sending these freaks pictures of our penis. It’s just not cool and the internets are too accessible.

Even with the apology to your fans and family, we still gotta give Greg Oden the Dumb Motherf@cker Of The Week Award. Congrats Gerg!

The biggest news-maker of the last week hasn’t been Tiger, but good ol’ Agent Zero, Gilbert Arenas. Not only did Gil make the news by “allegedly” threatening a teammate with gunplay, but he also plead guilty to those allegations. WHY? You had a guaranteed 100 million dollar contract! Now you are falling under the same umbrella as Plaxico, an example will be made of you. Let’s all come together for a round of applause and congratulate Gilbert Arenas for being this week’s DMF winner!

“I’ll shoot you in the face!” (c) Gilbert Arenas

Unless you were away from the internet, TV, and radio, by now you have heard a little about Tiger Woods’ recent troubles. I’m definitely not one to kick a man while he is down, but I had to dust off the old coveted DMF award for him. Why?

It’s not for getting caught getting some strange on the side.

It’s not for letting one of the side chicks be a former contestant of VH1’s Tool Academy.

It’s not for allegedly getting beaten down by his wife and then running over a fire hydrant in a car at 2am (At least it was a Cadillac).

It’s not even for (Stupidly) leaving a voice mail in one of the side chicks’ phone asking her to help cover up the infidelity (US Weekly is paying out money too).

It’s for being a f@ckin’ billionaire and not having a “Personal Assistant” (See Entourage’s Turtle) to handle all these affairs and cover all this shit up for you.

I’m sure Tiger Woods, being the icon he is, will bounce back from all this foolishness. But for now homie, you’ve earned this week’s Dumb Motherf@cker Award.

Glad I got back from Philly in time to write this…what do you get when you add a bottle of cognac to one of the world’s biggest egos?? Taylor Swift in tears, apparently. Damn. Kanye has jumped on stages before bitchin’ about not winning when he thought he deserved one, but he was out of line here for couple of reasons. First, Taylor Swift has never won a VMA before; it was her first ever award from MTV, and ‘Ye pretty much killed that moment for her. If somebody jumped on stage when Kanye won his first award, I bet he’d have something to say about it.

Second, he was even fighting for himself! He was fighting for…wait for it…Beyonce! Now I know Beyonce and Kanye are good friends, but can you even NAME all the awards that Bey has won in her career?? Plus later on that night, Bey ended up winning Video of the Year, so that kind of made Kanye look like a dumbass even more.

It was a good look for Beyonce to bring Taylor Swift back on stage with her. We all thought Kanye had calmed down after his mother’s death, but what he did here obviously shows that he hasn’t changed much at all. Kanye’s apologized like 3 times already, but c’mon: if Beyonce hadn’t won Video of the Year, do you seriously think Kanye wouldn’t have called MTV racist like he did two years ago??

Does this mean that I’m no longer a Kanye fan? No way, the man has a huge ego, but he makes damn good music. But for his actions Sunday, he is without a doubt THE DMF OF THE WEEK!

Kanye West Steals Taylor Swifts Spotlight

Kanye West Apologies On Jay Leno

When I chosen to do this column, I questioned whether giving him this award would really help in the rehabilitation. However, this is nappyafro, and votes were cast and while it was close, DMX prevailed as the winner. Why you ask? The one time face of Def Jam was arrested more times than Pacman Jones! Nine times in a nine months has to be a record somewhere. His arrests range from speeding to identity theft. How X goes to a hospital and no one recognizes him is beyond me, but that might be an example of how far his status is fallen. Get this…X is still walking the streets. He said it in a song, “Only nigga walking the streets with four felonies!” Everyone has demons they deal with; I hope that DMX gets his life together. This has to be one of the biggest “Falls from Grace” in Hip-Hop history. X was in line to be the next 2Pac, then he went and messed it all up! How do you go from selling millions of records, selling out arenas, starring in movies to buying $30 worth of crack and weed on the streets? DMX, this is going to you as a person: put the game to the side right now and get Earl right. DMX will be okay once Earl is straight. I present this award to DMX, but I’m hoping that Earl Simmons will never make this award again.

Runner Up: Yung Berg

Jim Jones of “We Fly High” fame has been notorious for his beef with Jay-Z and also for being a mediocre rapper. But this time he knows he crossed the line with what he said. Last week, he dissed both T.I. AND Jay-Z for not including him on their radio hit “Swagga Like Us” with Kanye and Lil’ Wayne since: “You can’t have a song about swag unless I’m on it.” I don’t know if those are his exact words, but it was something like that. T.I. responded kind of mildly to Jones’ comments, not really talking about it. Then Jones took the cake with this one: he dissed Nas!!

The Comments:

“Fuck Nas. I don’t give a fuck about Nas. He’s a rapper that just lost his pizazz. When I was in high school, he was the sh*t. He was the n*gg* that got us hyped. ‘New York State of Mind’, Illmatic and all of that” said Jones.

“I was never cool with him. I seen Nas a few months ago in L.A. with Dame. We was staying in this hotel right above the Ferrari dealership. Dame seen him and was talking to him. I was laying back on a couch laughing. He didn’t know what to do. I was looking dead at him. [Laughs.] And then Dame was like, “You know Jim?” He started [stammering], “Ah? Ah?” Dame is just burnt out. He not thinking about none of that frivolous [beef] sh*t. Me neither, for the most part. Nas was never on my level ever. Ever.“

I am speechless. Never on Jones’ level?? Nas is probably the reason this nigga ever even touched the mic!! I don’t think I even need to talk about the number of classics under Nas’ belt, since Jones has none and only has released one album (We won’t count the first two). I just hope that Nas doesn’t go the way Jay did and release a song called: “We Fly High (QB Remix)”: even though Nas’ album Untitled STILL hasn’t gone Gold yet (Support people!!), I doubt that the legendary MC would respond to this. But on the other hand, Nas has made a lot of mistakes in his career; this would take the cake!

Congratulations Jim Jones, you are the DMF of the WEEK!

The responses for the DMF have become overwhelming! I wasn’t going to do it this week, until Yung Berg decided to pop off at the mouth. No we’re not talking about the Flo Rida’s hairline…line, but what he had to say about my chocolate sisters!

“I’m kinda racist… I don’t really like dark butts too much… It’s rare that I do dark butts. Like really rare… It’s like, no darker than me. No darker than me. I love the pool test…. If you can be like ‘Yo, baby. I met you in the club. Let’s go back to my house. Jump in the pool exactly like you are.’–And you don’t come looking better wet than you were before you got in the pool then that’s not a good look. Any woman that uses brown gel to set down her baby hair is not poppin” (You can listen to the ignorance here).

Wow! YB has really taken it there! How are you going to alienate your female fan base like that? So when these “dark butts” stop supporting you, I hope you have enough light and damn near white fans to keep your Transformer chain out the pawn shop! Look at these two “dark butts” how can you turn these down?

Congratulations Yung Berg, you are the DMF of the WEEK!

This week I had to pull out my roasting pan and throw somebody in the fryer! The lucky person this time is…40 GLOCC! How are you going to YouTube (or Dailymotion) a video about you snatching Tyga’s chain? First off, Tyga isn’t even a STREET dude! You don’t get a ratings boost for that one. The guy you robbed doesn’t even pretend to be hard. I’m not trying to take up for him, but do you know how STUPID you look bragging about taking his chain. I’m pretty sure he didn’t know who you were and thought you was just robbing him. Why didn’t you go after a live nigga? I am glad to report that he has given the chain back, but that still doesn’t change the fact that he is the dumb motherfu…uh, DMF of the Week! Congratulations 40 GLOCC! (Check out the video below)

Black History Month Edition

3. Russell Simmons

I never thought I would say that Russell is a punk sell-out mother fucker, but he is. He was on CNN broadcasting showing how big of a sucker he is. Mr. Simmons has pimped his good name out to De Beers (arge company in the diamond industry) to combat the negative effect of the movie Blood Diamond. He criticized the movie Blood Diamond and acted as if there was no truth to the movie. Russell is a BITCH. The fact of the matter is people are dying over these diamonds on a daily basis, people that look just like you Russell. Oh yeah……. Russell Simmons has a line of diamond jewelery coming to a store near you. SERIOUSLY!!!!

2. Ray J

Boy aint your mother ever taught you not to piss on white women. Ray J, better known as R&B songstress Brandys’ brother, starred in a sex tape with his then girlfriend Kim Kardasian. The beginning of the tape is supposed to be your average graphic porn tape, but then Ray J pisses on the bitch. WTF? First off you don’t piss on semi-famous white women (she’s friends with Paris Hilton), even if they ask you to. Second, you don’t record yourself pissing on a chick whose father is a lawyer. Dumb mother fucker.

1. Akon

What a pussy ass nigga he has turned out to be. His punk ass owns or has stake in three diamond mines. Pimping your people for profits. I could care less about the fact that Akon has three wives (actually thats pretty fly) but after people saw, read, and heard about what happens over those diamonds why would you purchase a diamond mine. Mother Fucker if you need to diversify your money invest in stocks.

Somebody really needs to lock his ass up and not let him out; or better yet somebody needs to smack that fool till he gets sore.

February’s Dumb (Ass) Mother Fucker of the Month: Akon